— By Beverly Bevel
This essay explores the difficulties encountered when descendants of slavery broach the elephant in the room. “My ancestors owned your ancestors.”
I don’t believe there is a list of absolute rules. It’s awkward for everyone. It’s not a casual or celebratory event. It requires thoughtfulness, respect and empathy…
My initial experience with some of my Anglo cousins, as well as in conversations with white descendants of slaveholders (at least 25-30 of them), is that they did not, and probably could not, understand my experience of deep, deep, deep ancestral mourning when meeting and working with white slaveholder descendants for the first time.
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Approach me as you would a crime scene, with the reverence and deep respect for the victim and her unsuspecting family.
Approach me as you would a crime scene, disciplined and trained to avoid contaminating the evidence around you. Evidence that reveals the story of how the perpetrator committed this crime generation after generation. A crime that was once lawful in this nation of a Constitution which falsely proclaimed freedom for all mankind.
Approach me as you would a crime scene, exacting caution tape to preserve my story and the damning evidence that connects our families for eternity. Evidence that no one really wants to investigate, because we both know that our shared DNA links us back to the common perpetrator, the suspect, the guilty one who will never be brought to justice because he has always inherited the power, he still does.
Like any crime scene, don’t touch a thing and don’t demand immediate resolutions. Your only job is to rummage through the damage and uncover vital clues. Clues that may tell a different family story of prosperity and safety. Clues that may shatter the progenies’ fairy tales of honor and pedigree. A life of paradise for you, a burning hell for me. Clues that you and I must unearth if we hope to forge an honest relationship……… partners in crime.
Leave all your personal assumptions and inquisitive friends behind. They only fog reality. Our shared truth is a slippery slope that can eject us both into a molten volcano if we are not careful.
Leave behind your cavalcades of guilt and shame. They can be contaminants laced with verbiage and assumptions that nourish a dormant volcano waiting for an opportunity to erupt and transport us both over the edge.
You can’t own what was forbidden to me. Guilt, a luxury I never experienced because your ancestors controlled my feelings, my dreams, my thoughts, my escape route. Guilt and all its traveling partners have no place in this journey we both chose to take together. Our journey is our commitment to do the work. No outside observers allowed. They can’t be expected to carry the weight or do the work you and I agreed to complete. It’s a sideshow for them.
But rather, approach me as you would a crime scene, caring for the injured, checking for bullet wounds, dispatching assistance where needed and preserving witness testimony which may help make me whole again, or tell my forbidden story and truth.
Like anthropologists, we choose to discover and preserve the remnants of our common ancestry, deciding what to catalog and cordon off as we rummage through the truth. Even when the journey gets difficult and lonely, each of us will always be faced with a choice. I know my choice. What’s yours?
Author: Beverly Fulcher Bevel is a native of Southern California. Uncovering enslaved family members and bringing their stories to life has been her focus for the past eleven years. With DNA technology, she encourages African Americans to research and reach out to descendants of enslavers and enslaved. Beverly holds a bachelor’s degree in Linguistics from California State University at Long Beach, where she minored in Black Studies. She received her Human Resources Certificates from the University of Irvine, California and specializes in helping organizations achieve excellence. As a retired Fortune 100 Human Resources Manager, her experience with Leadership Development, Organizational Development, Internal Consulting, and Training has been the catalyst for IHG Consulting: A full-service Human Resources Consulting Firm.
©2023, Beverly Fulcher Bevel. All rights reserved.
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My Family name is Bevel. We have traced our Family Tree for years.
Thank you for the thoughtful and poetic guidance for “approaching the crime scene.” In the Linked Descendants group, people often ask how best to reach out to people to whom they are connected through slavery. Your post will be an important part of our response now.
Beautifully written, my friend. Powerful. To the point. The metaphor is enlightening and inspiring.
Thank you for such thoughtful guidelines on racial discussions consisting of slave owners and slaves descedants, not only in America, but everywhere such degradation was perpetuated. For until we of slave descent are free to speak ‘truth to power’ we will never be truly heard or free.
I agree. There is so much power in “saying the names @ of our ancestors. They have stories to tell and blessings to share. Keep researching.
My Family name is Bevel. We have traced our Family Tree for years.
Such powerful writing, Beverly. Thank you. Your advice is burned into my brain and heart.
Bev, what an honor to read your stunning piece again. I am so glad it is published here for more to read and learn from. Thank you for sharing the rawness of your feelings and inviting us to make the same choice.
I usually reach out by naming the family and location and saying I think that is where we have a connection. Most of my connections are through DNA matches but I have also made contact after recognizing an ancestral name. Then I leave it up to the descendant. I have only had one person tell me they were not interested in talking to me. When someone answers I concentrate on providing whatever information I have. The truth of what happened is the goal. I have also discovered information about my family from us working together. I already felt called to find my ancestors and now know I have to uncover their unvarnished lives.
Bev, I have never read such a detailed directive, guideline, heart line, or admonition as this essay. It should be required reading for any white person endeavoring to work within and across racial lines when exploring connections based in enslavement. In our writing pod, you challenged the descendants of the criminals to use the same prompt. Instructive, humbling, powerful.
Thank you.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.